Musical drama, In The Heights is the best opportunity to reintroduce the conversation of colorism within today’s society. Non people of color can not keep allowing this specific form of discrimination to continue, as if our Brown and Black ancestors have not fought and made their voices be heard because of the prejudice behind having a darker skin tone than others. Minorities never had the advantage to express and showcase their authentic self, so to be able to in this century should not be a surprise but should be normalized. From the very beginning, Brown and Black people have their distinct features. One culture has a naturally bigger nose bridge, another has more naturally frizzy hair when it is not wash day, and others were just as simple as they have a certain dialect their ancestors have passed on. We have our beautiful differences that make up our community and putting it together show the global diversity that exists. Now, when you turn on the TV, you see a Brown and Black person slowly falling into the ideology of the perfect ideal look, or the preferred European features because it is more “appealing” for on screen entertainment. This can simply mean that the person you are seeing has completely changed themselves because they were convinced they would be more attractive if they looked like every person in Hollywood OR it could be that the colorist entertainment system has normalized people of color should be lighter, skinnier (or strongly built), youthful and perfect. Why is this society trying to shape themselves into this toxic stigma? Hispanics and Latinx communities should be represented from all the diverse shapes, colors, and features that we bring to the world.

          As a person of color, we all want to be represented on any platform that exists because we have not been appreciated enough. When all Hispanics and Black communities heard about the recreation of In The Heights, it was thought to show

the diversity that the Lower East Side has had for decades. Parts of New York City are more diverse than other, and to be able to describe the one area where minorities feel at home and have made it all their own, it would be a wonderful feeling to share with the world. However, when watching the musical in theaters, we did not see any Afro-Latinos as a lead role, or any dark-skinned main leads at all. If we did, they were on the sideline, in the ensemble as a dancer or a backup singer, where not all the audience’s attention goes towards them. Sadly enough, it has been this way for decades. Where a person with darker melanin or with “non-likeable” traits are pushed aside, and the light-tone Hispanic or white person is displayed as the prime example of what is right in this world’s beauty standard.

          In her article, The limitations of ‘Latinidad’: How colorism haunts ‘In The Heights’, 2021, article review author, Monica Castillo asserts that within the acting industry, it has becomes difficult to find more Hispanics and Latinos who are outside of the physical norm seen in today’s films and shows by addressing the misrepresentation that impacts how our generation will continue their authentic image, the consistent pattern of erasure of  a community that are not acknowledged enough, and the irresponsibility of people who have a bigger name and acting towards their colorist thoughts to please themselves and white audiences. By supplying the reader with information about colorism and erasure, Castillo builds her claims about the lack of Afro-Latinos in the musical, by Hispanic producer Lin-Manuel Miranda. Castillo wishes to convey to readers the importance of educating others and our own community about the discrimination of dark skinned individuals in order to change in society the racial seperation that does not benefit people of color. The author’s audience likely consists of those interested in bringing awareness to this issue. “The answer that only the most talented were chosen to play these characters was an especially painful response because part of the issue of colorism is that it denies opportunities to darker-skinned people.” (Castillo) The European look has been stigmatized in today’s society and sadly it is what is being more seen and attractive to audiences. This is physically, mentally, and emotionally damaging to many individuals who do not fit the look that is appealing to see. Hearing this response from casting directors leads to insecurities within communities and only brings them down from what their natural self look like. Therefore, Castillo sharing with us what Chu said about the “ideal” fit for each role, it creates this idea that we, in some way and somehow, have always ended up pleasing other audiences other than ourselves.

          Associated Press, Astrid Galvan, in her Arts Article, Controversy over ‘In the Heights’ raises awareness of colorism and racial inequity, published in 2021, addresses the topic of engraved racial separation in our lives, white or person of color, and argues how this creates a difficult problem to fix because it encourages the system of racial inequality. “If we think about race and racial inequality without taking these skin tone differences seriously, then we’re actually missing how this system of racial inequality works.” (Galvan) When discussing this worldwide, ongoing inequality within race color, we have to understand and know how the other forms of racism could fall together and have an essential impact on communities, large or small. Racism can happen within our community and outside, within our families and between friends. Eventually, we will notice that even if we are with other people of color, there are going to be certain situations where your skin tone will determine how you will be treated there too. Sadly, this mentality comes from the manipulation of whiteness and how some individuals will compare their standards to others, and then bring them down because of how they look; something that many can not control or alter. 

          A novel that touches upon the silence of race is written by author Warren Hoffman, in his book, The Great White Way, published in 2014. Which addresses the topic that musicals should stop the construction of white identity plays and be more diverse with their plot and cast and argues that, as a Latino Jewish he wishes he grew up witnessing more people of color/minorities in plays since they give hope to younger audiences for future generations and impacts how we see society. He supports this claim by sharing his well thought out ideas of how musicals have only showcased for a white audience and have expanded themselves throughout the world still not being able to completely diversify for other audiences and communities. Hoffman states, “ignoring a musical’s historical context or assuming that white shows are universal propagates white normativity and overlooks the specific challenges that people of color have had to face in the United States.” Musical theater was a distraction from the lives that were miserable, from the social injustice within the opportunities for Black people, more specifically. Hoffman’s purpose is to reveal the racial politics that musicals were mirroring in the late 1900s in order to change society and rethink how entertainment in musical theater is viewed. Connected to the 2021 musical, In The Heights, there is an obvious unspoken white norm in plays for the late 1900’s, still finding its way in people of color forms of entertainment. Leading to an idea of how musical theater will continue to look in today’s day and time and how racism could be seen more subtle than the violent ways done in the past. 

          Looking at the bigger picture, for readers who do not see musicals as often, colorism still exists in global literature. In the dissertation, Colorism in the Spanish Caribbean: Legacies of Race and Racism in Dominican and Puerto Rican Literature, published June 2011, author Malinda M. Williams, Philosophy graduate student from the University of Denver , asserts that colorism has grown and impacted into the forms of literature which now seem to demonstrate what is “appealing” to satisfy society’s norm and suggests that it plays a major role in how communities of Latinos and Hispanic grow a major gap from their identity to their nation. Caribbean communities, in specific, struggle with their damaged image because all that is considered the right physical attributes is the “European look.”  She backs up this claim by doing the following: first, she speaks about the Dominican Republic and how people with more melanin than others would go to the extreme to fit into the ideal image, not fully understanding how this would only create a gap with themselves and their culture, their roots. Next, she states how in Puerto Rico many tend to reject their own community to seem more “aware” of what is the right image of their people instead of appreciating the authenticity of their background and attributes. Williams appears to write in hopes of bringing awareness to how the relationship between the Caribbean and the United States will continue to separate in order to change the reader’s perspective on the importance of diversity and how it shapes our society. Because of Williams’ understanding tone, it seems as if she writes for people of color AND white individuals who are interested in Hispanic literature and its

development. “Yunior is initially more successful in assimilating to American culture… he doesn’t buy into the myth that American society is color blind as easily… ‘despite the realities of racial inequalities, the dominant ideology of race in America is that of color blindness’” (Williams 177) Being color blind helps support the idea of racism, it does not help with the ending of it. Not many people know this because they are not properly educated on the impacts this has. Mentally a person may not see race, but physically it is present to everyones eye and it does not stop the discrimination. So, instead people should not believe in the idea of “color-blindness” because it does not stop racism, it just lets it keep happening.

          I will concede that: In The Heights did not mean to cause an issue in terms of their cast diversity. Miranda has publicly apologized as stated in Castillos article, and I can understand he was making an effort to show appreciation to Washington Heights. Because at the end of the day, not all people of color care enough about the film to vent on how everyone wasn’t showcased properly. Therefore, it is not a big issue if not everyone complained or had something to say. However, I will refute this using Williams’ dissertation. It does not matter how many people have a say in how the film went down or if they felt no way about it. What matters is the clear message behind it and where it takes place. In this essay, when talking about colorism in the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico, eventually this generation will follow along with what they see and hear. And if films like this keep up with this image of an “ideal” physical, we are not all going to be appreciated or celebrated when it is our time. This form of unfairness should not keep continuing.  

          The topic of colorism goes beyond Hollywood in this argument. It happens within communities itself, within literature, within any opportunity that is accessible for anyone but mostly given a higher advantage to white people or light skinned people of color. You do not need to be white, Brown, or Black to understand what being racial discrimination is or about someone stating they are “color-blind.” At the end of the day, this is years of racism that is impacting communities still when we thought it was all over decades ago. All in all, colorism in In The Heights has led to the open conversation of colorism and “color-blindness,” when all we hoped for was a passageway for hopefulness in communities of color. Whether it being in literature or in films, or in person, we are all present and all have our own image that does not need to look ideal for an audience. Do not let these disadvantages affect the way you see yourself and your peers, we should all stay authentic and honest.

Work Cited:

Castillo, Monica. “The Limitations of ‘Latinidad’: How Colorism Haunts ‘in the Heights.’” NPR.org, 15 June 2021, www.npr.org/2021/06/15/1006728781/in-the-heights-latinidad-colorism-casting-lin-manuel-miranda.

Chu, J. M. (2021). In the Heights. Warner Bros.

‌Galvan, Astrid. “Controversy over ‘in the Heights’ Raises Awareness of Colorism and Racial Inequity.” PBS NewsHour, 18 June 2021, www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/controversy-over-in-the-heights-raises-awareness-of-colorism-and-racial-inequity. Accessed 16 Nov. 2021.

‌Hoffman, Warren. The Great White Way : Race and the Broadway Musical. New Brunswick, N.J., Rutgers University Press, 2014.

Williams, Malinda. Digital Commons @ DU Colorism in the Spanish Caribbean: Legacies of Race and Racism in Dominican and Puerto Rican Literature. 2011.

Why is there a lack of representation for people of color in the musical In The Heights? 

 

Castillo, M. (2021, June 15). The limitations of ‘Latinidad’: How colorism haunts ‘in the

heights’. NPR.

In this article, Monica Castillo shares how Lin Manuel Miranda publicly apologizes for the fault of misrepresenting the completely diverse community of Washington Heights. Although there were people of color leads, plus Latino extras, it was often noticed there were no Afro-Latino lead roles and were mainly on the sidelines. With this issue being brought to attention, it sparked the conversation about how within the industry of acting, it becomes difficult to find more Latinos who are outside of the appearance norm seen in today’s films. Since this conflict is a consistent pattern, it tends to erase a community of people that are not acknowledged enough. Although there were issues for many individuals to connect on a cultural level to the musical, there is a hopefulness that perhaps the musical could “start a movement towards a diversity that is actually inclusive.” (Castillo) and continue to showcase the theme of how it is okay to have ambitious goals and to remember our families history.

Castillo is biased but to a certain extent. She is a white Latina and feels mostly empathy for the indigenous people who do know erasure at a greater level but still feels and is allowed to feel frustrated for the ongoing injustice of Latinx representation. Through Castillo’s research, she documented when Felice Leo asked a question concerning “where were the lead Afro-Latinx folk?” In response to what Jon Chu responded with, “The answer that only the most talented were chosen to play these characters was an especially painful response because part of the issue of colorism is that it denies opportunities to darker-skinned people.” (Castillo) This response instantly indicates why it is difficult to find actors who have a darker skin tone, may have an accent, or have a different personality than what we are used to seeing on screen. You would expect to see more diversity within this world because there is a Hispanic producer and director behind it all, but Chu has been known for his act of colorism in his film Crazy Rich Asians. Having people in the industry who make the same flaw makes the possibility of erasure happen in the Latinx community and makes it challenging for audience members to feel connected and understood in movies that are about them and their lifestyle.

After reading Leslie Camillo’s article, I feel stronger on the realization that In The Heights did not do an efficient job in setting the right message for young and older audiences that will watch this film and pay close attention to the message it shares. The article is helpful for my argument because it straightforwardly introduces the problem, which not many realized within the Latino community and outside, of the misrepresentation of people of color homes and physical appearance. It is upsetting because the issue does not just happen at home, in the Bronx, but is actually seen ten times bigger on-screen and showcased worldwide. I will use Castillo’s insight and research to bring up the key term of “erasure” and how if a change is not seen or people do not advocate for what is right, it will only keep growing and will become more difficult to put a stop to.

 

Frazer-Carroll, M. (2021, June 19). In the heights’ lack of dark-skinned black people looks a

lot like colourism. The Independent.

In this article, Micha Frazer-Carroll goes into depth behind the responses of colorism in In The Heights and the ongoing “colour-blind casting” that is noticed by producers in Hollywood. Caroll states, “This set off a conversation (which is still very much ongoing) about the complications brought about by “colour-blind” casting, and why paying close attention to race may actually be integral to telling minorities’ stories authentically.” (Micha Frazer-Carroll) Indicating that there was awareness being brought to this issue of discrimincation. The unfair treatment towards darker skin tone actors and communities have been engraved into our lifestyle so that it happens as if it is not a conflict anymore. When in reality, is it and white communities and white famously known people allow this behavior because it has been engraved in their mentality that white is better. “Whites are the hero,” which later impacted the authentic image of Hispanics trying to make a name for themselves, or trying to represent their culture or country. Caroll then argues, for those who do not find fault in this issue have been blinded and tries her best to explain how this is from the “root of racism.”

I do not believe Micha Caroll is being biased in her article as she explains the impact of racism in film and how Black people had tried very hard to get out of this oppression created by white people. Her mentioning of real historical facts and making sure she mentions that this conflict is not just an upsetting message for Black Afro-Latinos but for everyone Hispanic, is because it is a real social injustice. Light skinned actors are finally aware of this issue plus the advantages they have, and being able to talk about the topic demonstrates that we are taking a stand and this writing style considers a range of audiences.

Color blindness has become a normalized thinking between races that it is now seen in casting in entertainment for worldwide audiences. Casting in films and shows are very odd when it comes to people of color. Sometimes you will see a “diverse” cast who all have the gentrified look or who have the now-known “European look”. Carolls article will support my research paper as it brings about the traumatized, internalized racism and how it is trying to be slowly played off by white producers, directors, and other actors to only expand to white audiences as musical theater has for decades.

 

Galvan, A. (2021, June 18). Controversy over ‘in the Heights’ raises awareness of colorism

and racial inequity. PBS.

Astrid Galvan’s article indicates how it continues to be inevitable to part away from the skin tone lack of diversity within Hollywood. Reading, “The key to changing behavior is by teaching history accurately and admitting that those biases exist.” (Galvan) motivates to properly take time to educate yourself and others with the topic of colorism.  Individuals should not act ignorant to the fact that this issue only impacts a specific set of people and there are some within this community that have an advantage. Those with the advantage should speak out and not be inconsiderate like actors such as Rita Moreno, who found no flaw with the casting of the musical.

Galvan is not biased, as she does not talk about why we should empathize for her as she relates to this situation as other writers have. She straightforwardly states that the goal is for this society to change the way they act and treat people of color, correctly and just as people, within all forms of groups because it is essentially humanly correct to do so. I would say this source is reliable because of her own reliable source of a psychologist who shares that avoiding the topic of colorism, adds onto the issue and extends it to its full potential since there is no personal change/societal change.

This helps to support my topic of colorism in my research paper because history has generally been shaped to benefit white people and conversing that it does, allows there to be more open minds in why there should be a drastic change within entertainment and the creativity behind it. This topic should not be uncomfortable to anyone as it involves the victim and the racist/discriminator, so understanding the bias of it all helps to reflect on society’s actions.

 

Williams, M. M. (2011, June). University of Denver Digital Commons @ DU. Colorism in the

Spanish Caribbean: Legacies of Race and Racism in Dominican and Puerto Rican

Literature.

In this dissertation, Malinda Williams evaluates the effects of colorism on Spanish Caribbean literature. In more specific works, she explored the racial differences within writings of fiction and memoirs. She sets an analytical introduction that frames the work through human experiences in the Critical Race Theory and both Caribbean and Latino/a literary studies. The project is divided into two portions, one on Dominican Republicans and one on Puerto Ricans. Since literature is one of the main sources to acknowledge the historical events of people of color, it is important to discover how these sources have evolved in terms of the recognition of Latinos and Hispanics. Colorism appears in these pieces of writings as a “carryover” from Latin America’s troubled race history as well as an indication of the problematic race conceptions that exist both on these islands and in the United States. The writer states, “Racial difference is determined arbitrarily through constructed ethnic categories, perceived phenotypic distinctions, and gradations of skin shade and color that are thought to carry with them significant determinations of difference.” (Williams) Williams argues that for as long as we can remember, society has determined to set a norm on how to judge people of color and be able to “reasonably” exclude them because of their physical properties. By doing so, it causes damage to the generational mentality of a community that has specific textured hair, set of eye color, shape, and size, etc. All because what is considered pleasing, at the end of the day, is the “European look” which is seen in the majority of literature in the most recent decades.

Williams demonstrates her research through the true historical moments that tells us how society has always preferred lightness over a person with a darker skin tone. This is not new information for us and besides articles and essays, the in depth of race separating communities from early times to present day is available for all to read and educate themselves on. Therefore, the author is trying to bring awareness towards Caribbean identification because if this issue continues, it will create a bigger gap in culture than what already is there. It is mostly read within this dissertation, other studies and research from writers who have gone past the definition of the discriminatory and degrading category of race which tends to seperate us because we start paying attention to physical appearances and start to judge one another because we do and don’t look like out ethnical background. Now, this view is used in the worst way when lighter tone people are mostly seen as the “model” of what is beautiful in a specific nation. Colorism is also often used as a marker of class difference; it may reflect and/or play a part in shaping cultural standards of beauty or attractiveness and it signifies the entrenched complexities of the Spanish Caribbean‟s history of conquest and colonization. Racism has all played a complex role in the histories of these island nations, and it seems only fitting to address as many of these histories as is possible.

This source is helpful for my paper because it introduced another side of colorism, instead of within musical theater and film, it goes in depth with literature and the development of literature over the decades. Using this dissertation helps with the advancement of processing racial discrimintion.

          My research topic question is “Why is there a lack of representation for people of color in the musical In The Heights?” However, within my paper, I wanted to expand out the idea of misrepresentation and insert the common issues of whitewashing Hispanic culture within Hollywood and all entertainment thus far. While constructing my Annotated Bibliography, I was able to truly specify the difference between the writing and perspective of authors and their topic. Being able to realize this key point made it an easier process to build on what I needed for my essay; what I may need as a counter argument if necessary, or what I needed for a general aspect outside my main research question. All allow me to send the message of why colorism, not just in the movie musical In The Heights, in all platforms and communities should not be normalized and people who contribute to such form of discrimination should be made aware and be educated. Rhetorically, I have noticed that writers like Monica Castillo, Micha Frazer-Carroll, and Astrid Galvan make sure to appeal to their audience by mentioning their feelings as Hispanic women who have seen countless people of color films and express that although they may white pass because of their fair skin, they still understand where Afro-Latinos and all people of color are coming from with their anger on how Lin Manuel Miranda made Washington Heights come out to be. He took out the authenticity, the culture of those streets to make a movie that will appeal to “all audiences.” Writers like I have annotated in my bibliography, in a way, are meeting the expectations of the Hispanic community and try their best to analyze the film to explain how the issue of colorism has been around since the beginning of all entertainment. By making them feel like they should be appreciated more and shown off more because we contribute to society in many shapes and forms, so it seems fair. The critical analysis skills drew upon the best purpose within my research essay because of how well every writer made their point get across. Even though it all seemed repetitive, it led to the mentality that it is okay to keep thinking that people of color have always been seen differently because it makes the audience want to keep going for the change we desire. It makes readers want to continue with the hopes that one day we won’t be seen differently or won’t be seen like we have to look a certain way to fit in. Then lastly, the fourth source prepared me for how colorism goes outside of Hollywood entertainment and into literature which is essentially one of the main ways of storytelling and communication within society. Malinda Williams introduces the mental damage colorism has on people and if not stopped, will impact future generations only leading to more separation of communities. 

          For the basis of my theory of writing, I made sure to look out for the keywords that expressed the emotional impact of the film on people. I thought it was the best way to capture my audience but also to keep their attention because it is not a new problem, but a rather similar and consistent one. Outside of the main target audience, the basis in my writing could also be considered to bring awareness to other communities, maybe even the ones that partake in the acts of colorism and are discriminatory towards someone because of their skin complexion. In Monica Castillo’s article, her rhetorical situation was an introduction to the key term “erasure” and how people of color start to become separated from their culture because of racial indifferences and wanting to fit in with society. Micha Frazer-Carroll’s rhetorical situation was an introduction to the key term “color blindness” and how being part of this group doesn’t make a positive change, but a negative and ignorant one because it demonstrates the lack of education with racism. Astrid Galvan’s rhetorical situation in her article was how deeply engraved the lack of diversity concept exists in society because it leads to whitewashing, racism, inequality within families and friends, etc. Not at all benefiting a major part of the world’s population. Lastly, in Malinda Williams’ dissertation, her rhetorical situation is introducing the gap in culture for Puerto Ricans and Dominican Republicans because of the crisis of what is acceptable and not, which carries over to literature and in the big picture, to other communities of color. I can apply these sources to my academic assignment, through smooth transitions because they all correlate in terms of how poignant colorism and color blindness are global. This builds up for me, as a writer who is being extended educated on this topic, and to others who were not aware, this could be a problem for some individuals. By recognizing the problem and speaking about it, maybe one day we will have more changes than expected.

       As my Senior year of high school at DreamYard Preparatory came to an end, it was time to apply to as many scholarships as I could. My ‘Youth Leader’ essay for The Meringoff Valedictory Prize is what strikes my most recent memory with my literacy development. June 8th, I was announced the second awardee for this competition, and I can still remember the proudness I felt when I saw the email shared out within my school. From my freshman Algebra teacher to my junior AP English and Composition teacher replying with a “Congratulations!” Walking down the halls as my schools’ principal shouted out, “We are so proud of you Jhoanna-Banana!” I have never felt so appreciated and overjoyed about winning my first-ever scholarship. After class, getting home was the only thing in my mind. To run to Ma, tell her with the most excited tone and the biggest smile that her daughter received money for college tuition. You could see how contagious my energy was as her smile grew more and more as I explained how I achieved it and what the next steps were. I know she was happy for me. She saw that I did something on my own and worked my hardest to help us figure out our financial situation so I could have the education she wants for me. As a young Latina woman, I grew up hearing it is rare for parents to show their proud side because they only want to push their sons and daughters over the limit they are used to. This was our rare moment that I hold within my heart until this day.

       As I explained to my parents, I wrote about my experiences with College Access: Research and Action. CARA is an organization that supports high school students with guidance on their post-secondary plans and overall experience within the educational system. At the moment, I was working as a Youth Leader for CARA and TAFT Campus during my senior year of high school, with whom I also had my Summer training after my junior year. After a couple of weeks, I had a very clear understanding of their work and counseling ethic which helped me a lot throughout the year. As a student, I used the resources to the fullest capacity, and was able to hear about amazing opportunities, such as job internships, mental health workshops, and outside college counseling for a certain number of students. As a Youth Leader, I learned how to effectively have one-on-one meetings with seniors and be able to get out of my comfort zone to help them have all the resources necessary to have an easy transition into college or postsecondary plans. Supporting my entire senior class with financial aid, scholarship research, college applications and more, was extremely stressful while working on my caseload. But, after a while of meeting other Youth Leaders like me and having the advice from other college counselors on my campus, I managed to feel comfortable and showcase my best work for DreamYard Preparatory High School and CARA. Showing off my skills and putting my fullest potential to all the workshops I facilitated, all the conversations I started, etc, won me the opportunity to be recommended by all the TAFT Campus counselors to apply for the “Youth Leader Scholarship.” If I did not accommodate to the new environment I was in, I would have never had the amazing opportunities I have now.

       However, it was extremely challenging. I might have thought I knew what I was doing and not asking for any help at first, but I definitely needed an extra hand. Everyone who was going for the scholarship had to answer the same four questions however they felt the most comfortable. The letter from the Miringoff Sisters asked all eight contestants if we could express our experience with CARA and how they prepared us for life after high school, how did we become involved, if we gained any contacts that were helpful to us emotionally and/or professionally, and why and what do I expect my life to be like after graduation. Stressful enough that I had to write an essay while still working and trying to maintain school work, my senior year was the first and last experience I had with the New Settlement, and I think that is where my confidence made it difficult to want to fully apply. 

       When I wrote my first draft essay I was struggling the entire first week. Firstly, I had not written a complete essay in a while because my AP Literature class only consists of me answering short responses or completing slideshows about Romeo and Juliet. Secondly, everyone else who applied had outside memories and conversations with the New Settlement. I had writer’s block every time I would open up my google docs. After questioning where to start, I met with the supervisor of the scholarship to help me brainstorm some ideas. She was impressed with how descriptive I could be with just a year of memories, written down in four paragraphs. By the second week, she gave me constructive criticism and wanted me to add more. I might have not been the only one, but she allowed me to talk more about my personal growth and to go beyond the word limit. Hearing this from her made me feel secure in my writing and made me realize what I was doing was great; it was just right. By the last week of this process, I entered my essay and had a sense of relief that it was all over. I enjoyed writing every single piece of it and talking about the people I’ve met, about the workshops that taught me something new about myself, and the other counselors that made me feel safe to talk about my fears of college. After a few weeks, I heard back, and out of the hundreds of students who applied, I was in second place. It was not first, but it was the top three, which was good enough for me. I felt proud of myself. I knew what I put out to the world to see and read was going to impact someone and make them realize New Settlement is a great organization. This achievement did not just help me financially but provided me with the trust that the other essays I write for my next scholarships were going to be just as good to become closer to my pursuing career.

      When I think about the musical La La Land by director Damien Chazelle, the overall storyline is a couple in a love story that does not let each other be held back from pursuing their futures and dreams. Both have a clear understanding that the reason they leave each other behind is so they can get to that next point in their life where their journey will only truly begin. To me, it sends out a social reality that in life, you have to let go to move forward, no matter what it may be. If not, then you’re not going to your full potential, and you’re just going to be in the same position that you started in. To a certain extent, my family is quite the opposite. When it comes to my Hispanic household, my parents, grandparents, and everyone else who wishes the children born and raised in the United States to have a job in the medical field, or must become a lawyer, or an accountant because it makes the most money. Or, in some cases, the woman must stay home to take care of their husband and children. “Money is the goal in life.” is what my mother says to me daily. When your family dynamic is built on nurture, and you become accustomed to the nonstop decision making your parents made for you, you tend to lose your identity and do not know the things you may enjoy or love to do. That was me while growing up. I was, and still in a way, being held back from pursuing what I want to do because of my parents’ wish to make money and have a stable living that they have a hard time maintaining. I will always appreciate the moral support they provide and think is best for me, but it is not the right one when it comes to pursuing a career in the education field. But, after a long while of convincing them that this pathway would be good for me, because of my love for children and helping others, they grew fond of Ms.Fernandez one day. 

     In the long run, still thinking about my generational guilt, this is a very toxic way of living life, but to keep my family’s wishes and make them happy, I rather stick to it. I do enjoy teaching and being with children, but it was not my first choice. This is the reality in Hispanic culture; young women and men sometimes go the extra mile for their parents because they want to fulfill the American Dream that their parents were not fully capable of achieving. I hope one day, my parents understand that to have pursued my dreams they should have let me go out and experience the little and big things in life and not stick to the normal and expected. This is the stigma I want to teach my family to demonstrate to them I will succeed either way, no matter what I do with my future because it is what I truly wanted to do for myself.